im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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