we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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