then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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