Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
