the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
