I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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