I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
