I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
