I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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