STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
