My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
