my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
