Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
