At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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