the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
