Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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