i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
barbara walters just said penis...
I've blown a few things in my day
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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