Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
