I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
