I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
