I want to walk on stilts...naked
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found your dick twin last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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