Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
