Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
