Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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