This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
