Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
