is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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