Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
