ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just cropdusted the office
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize