I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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