they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
