I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
where are you?
Hypothermia
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
