yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
