Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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