hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
