Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
