seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
