just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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