The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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