thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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