this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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