i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
