At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
