the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
