babies were throwing up all over the place
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
