you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
