I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
