Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
