i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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