Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
