My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
