We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
