My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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