bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
