Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
operation harelip BJ is a go
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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