Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
