Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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