Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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