It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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