I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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