I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Holy shit dude........stairs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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