I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
