Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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