I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
