ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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