hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
