You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
pray to the hookup gods
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
