: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
