I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
