Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize