Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
